It’s Valentine’s Day, and I know a lot of singles have a rough time today. I’m here for you. But let’s be honest, we can have tough times on average, nothing days, so it’s not that unusual. Oddly, Valentine’s Day has never been a trigger for me. Perhaps it’s my realistic (some call it cynical) nature that doesn’t think it’s that great for most couples either, or the fact that I love decorating for holidays, or the relief I feel in having absolutely no pressure to make someone else’s V-Day super special. Maybe it’s the fact that, other than one awkward day in junior high, I have always been single on Valentine’s Day, so I’m pretty used to it. I also got See’s Candies from my mum, flowers from a friend, and adorable little cardboard valentines from some students, so there’s that.
I happen to have today off because of a 4 day President’s Day weekend, so I find myself with much more time to fill than usual on Valentine’s Day. So for my friends out there who are feeling a little more alone than usual, here’s how I’m dealing with it:
Step 1: Get some exercise. Shocking, I know, for a couch potato like me to suggest this, but it’s how I started my day. My exercise consisted of my last physical therapy session for my crappy back which was pretty much lots and lots of stretching. Lots. And lots. Of stretching. Anyway, instead of sleeping in and starting off slow like my insomniac body loves, it was a mood lifter to start with movement.
Step 2: Eat yummy food. On my way home from PT, I drove through the local Tom’s and treated myself to one of the yummiest breakfast burritos around. Tonight, mum and I will be grabbing our favorite kebab plates for take out, and I will finish off the bottle of wine I opened a couple nights ago, because I’m classy like that. And yes, there will be chocolate.
Step 3: Rest. I brought that burrito home and ate it on the couch while watching the cheer-leading thing on Netflix. This helped me rest and recover from PT before moving on to some chores, while reminding me how insane I think people that do athletics at that level are. So it was a win-win.
Step 4: Help someone else. After the burrito brunch, I did some house cleaning for my mum because she’s nicer than I am and is having lots of (mostly older, widowed, or divorced) people over tomorrow for a post-Valentine’s Day lunch. The windows haven’t looked this good in a long while. (Except for the ones that seem to be dirty between the double panes and impossible to reach? Those are beyond my skill level.)
Step 5: Do something creative. I have a short story deadline tomorrow for a project with which I’ve been helping, so I got that done today and sent off to the editor. Something about gospel care, suffering, and lament. After a couple months off from writing (sorry!) it was nice to get back to it.
Step 6: Spend some time with God. The story I was working on required some biblical research and prayer, so I was able to spend some time talking with God and reading his word. I was also able to spend a lot of the window washing time in prayer for my friends and family because my wireless speaker stopped working so I couldn’t listen to podcasts, so that worked out well.
Step 7: Avoid the interwebs. For some, it might be best to stay off social media so you don’t have to witness every couple on the planet shove their adorableness in your face via three different types of media. For others, like me, you might just need a break from the insanity that is Donald Trump and his ilk.
Step 8: If possible, spend at least some time with another person. I know this isn’t always possible. I lived alone for many years, so I get it. But if you can, spend at least some of this weekend around other people. I’m looking forward to hanging out with my mum tonight and watching “To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You” together. If you are alone and can’t find someone to hang out with, feel free to send me a note here and we’ll hang out in spirit.
Step 9: Hug a good doggo. Again, if you can. You might need to borrow a friend or neighbor’s pet for this. Or, if you’re not allergic like I sadly am, find an obliging kitty. Anyway, I’m getting lots of oxytocin hits by snuggling my old little puppy. He’s a gift.
Step 10: Don’t take it all so seriously. This goes for singles and couples alike. It’s just another day. And yes, it’s cool to have a day to express love for the people in our lives, but it’s not the only day we can do that so don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Don’t take all the happy couple photos too seriously either, it’s just one nice moment amongst the very hard work it takes every one of those people to make their relationships work. Props to them. Be silly. Wear pink or don’t. I currently have on a black t-shirt stating boldly “Books Not Bullets: march for our lives av”. (That made for a could-have-been awkward moment in PT this morning when the Air Force veteran was on the table next to mine. But we’re good. I thanked him for his service, he cracked some jokes about the stretches, and we were best buds by the time I had to go away to the leg press.) I do have hedgehogs with hearts socks on.
Step 11: Tell people you love them. But not just today. Tell them all the time. Tell your family and your friends. Tell God. Tell your pets. Tell anyone you love that you love them. Let them know.
How do you get through Valentine’s Day (or any other time where singleness is a bit more obvious than others)? What are your plans? Oh, and dear readers, I love you.
Glad to see you back and writing. And thanks for the very timely and helpful advice. I like to use Valentine’s Day to let my single and married friends know that I love them. Is that what Valentine’s Day is all about? Enjoy your 4-day weekend!! : )
Thank you! That’s the perfect way to celebrate Valentine’s Day.
I enjoy reading your blog. The little video clips were super cute! Enjoy your long weekend!
Thank you! Happy Valentine’s Day!
Your readers love you too, Fawn!
Aw, thank you, Bethany! Love you and your family.
I’ve. Missed. Reading. Your. Blog. And I love the image of you stretching in that shirt near the soldier. Oh, and Kermit. Today has been the strangest day for me — I had four yes FOUR inappropriate images shoved in my face today from out of nowhere (text, email, Facebook, and across the street). So yeah, those were my Valentines, I guess.
Yikes. They’re everywhere! I’m glad I could refill your brain with some new images, including Kermie. Love you!
Such excellent advice! I was thinking, too, as I cut and pasted valentines for my g’kids that it’s silly to have only one day a year to remind people that we love them! But for those folks who have trouble saying the words, one day is better than none, eh?
Really enjoy your blog! Grace & Peace….Jan
Aw, thank you Jan. I agree, more sharing our “love yous” all year round. But I’m sure the grandkids were happy to get the handmade cards too!
I’m late to the game, but I still think these are great tips! Like you, I’m almost always 100% single on Valentine’s Day, so for many years it never bothered me, either. But 8 years ago, I lost a loved one to suicide around Valentine’s Day. Until recently, I associated the holiday with that tragic death, and had a very difficult time getting through the day. It’s much easier now – I generally think more about the discounted chocolate that will be on sale in 24 hours – but the sad reminder is always there, underneath everything. It no longer ruins my day, but I don’t think it will ever disappear completely.
That said, Valentine’s Day is (for the most part) what you make it. I can’t say it better than Step 10.
Grief just colors everything it touches, especially those first few years. I’m proud of you for getting through each Valentines Day this far. Love to you.